It's day 5...

Today I began watching my nieces and so began outside temptations daily in front of me. The Cheddar Sun Chips that Camille didn't finish could easily have been a little extra for myself...but I resisted! Huge step and goal for me! Now to continue that for the next uh...8-10 weeks?!? It's gunna e worth it when I see that magic number keep getting closer and closer every Friday!

I read a blog today about being honest with yourself and putting it all out there, well here it is....I need to lose 66 lbs to be at my goal of 140. So if you do the math last Friday I had allowed myself to creep back up to 206. I was ticked at myself and hopefully that's all the more motivation to keep going.

Also it's time to be honest with the miscarriage. I thought I was through it, yet it somehow always creeps back in too and it hurts. I met with a new OBGYN last Friday and was very pleased with her and how they will help me through my next pregnancy (which I secretly hope is really soon!). She was very supportive and I think it's gunna help me tons. I liked Craig ranch OBGYN, but they did not handle things well with my miscarriage and I look back and feel like many times I felt distant from them....did not feel that way with Dr. Allen (even though I waited and hour and a half).

So here we are....honestly and reality time. This is for me, my husband, and my family and my future kids. I WILL do this, I CAN do this!!! Thanks for your support!!!

Day 3...

I survived day 2! There were many temptations including Kerry's world famous Oreo Balls (Oreo's are my favorite!). The BBQ was hard but got through only eating 1/2 a burger--no toppings! Then dinner at Pluckers! I managed to get myself a salad with my naked chicken tossed is a sauce. Pretty good if I say so myself! And I had water!! Not a mother plucker! Now it's day 3...the next 2 are usually my hardest as the hunger from detoxing hits and sometimes a headache. Pushing through and can't wait for the scale Friday (yes I changed my mind cuz I really want to move the marbles of pounds lost!!!).

This week also begins summer clean out for me. One room at a time getting rid of stuff and organizing! First the office pit, then kitchen and living room, bed room, bathroom, etc. I hope the downstairs is done by the end of June!! Also Tuesday I start watching my nieces! Looking forward to some fun crafts! This week we're gunna make our own crayons as I have tons broken laying around!! :)

Day 1

Well day one is in the books. That's usually one of the hardest days just to keep on track. The chips and salas at dinner were hard to resist, but i got through it! Yeah me!!!!

Now the next 2-3 days are the second rough part then it's smooth sailing. After creating weight loss tracking jars, I think I'm going to weigh in weekly so I can move the marbles! I'm excite about this part! Each marble is a 1/2 pound. That way I get to move them more often and more of them! Here's to day 2!!! Let's go!

New leaf...

Today embarks the day I turn over a new leaf. I know I have said this time and time again but I have got to do something for myself. It's time to put away the excuses and anything else that may creep up. They weight needs to go and I have to be ok with things that happened last year. It's hard seeing people pregnant and all they talk about it baby this and that, but honestly I've got to be ok with it!!! I need to be happy for them, but sometimes it's just hard. Summer has began and I'll be watching my nieces this summer. I'm going to find a good study to dive into and I've got two tests and two book studies so talk about gunna be busy! No more excuses, no more lying to myself. I was depressed and might sort of still be but I'm gunna push through this. With God on my side I'm gunna make it! I know in His time we will have a beautiful family, until then I need to take care of myself! Let's do this!!!!

It's a brand new day!

Again I have been gone for a while. Why do I keep doing this to used! I know what works and what I need to do, yet I let myself slip time and time again. This doesn't just apply to my weight loss, but to life in general. I have moments where I am on track spiritually and physically, but hen make bad decisions and stray from that path. I was reminded at Easter that the only label that matters is the one God placed upon me. I am loved, more than I could ever imagine by my Heavenly Father! I am thankful for His Son and and forgiveness. Today is a brand new day and I am starting over. I am setting small goals and reward with non-food items, but things that will enrich my life!

Downs and Ups

So I've forgotten to post for two weeks. First week back on plan was awesome. I stuck to my guns, drank TONS of water and ended up losing 7.2 lbs (190.4)! WooT! Well, that didn't last too long. The second week didn't go as well. I had up and down days of sticking to the plan which showed at the weigh in. I gained back 2.2 lbs, weighing in at 192.6. This week I'm back on plan. I've had several temptations and I keep telling myself NO. It hasn't been completely perfect as I've probably had a little extra approved snacks, but I'm getting better. I hate that this is a struggle for me! It's a daily battle that I have to prepare for every morning. If I don't mentally get myself ready to say NO or stay away, I'll cave. I need to lose this weight for me. I'm tired of the tight clothes and looking at the clothes I can't wear anymore cuz I gained it back. I want my closet back!!!

Two things I've joined to help keep me more on track. My coach has started a biggest loser contest. Every day we have to record if we were on program, the amount of water drank, and if we exercised. I absolutely HATE losing in any contest so this is helping. I don't want to put a zero down for anything! The other thing is Live Healthy Texas contest. You enter your weight and exercise and compete with others. I want to win that too. TJ is on my team, but the more the merrier!! Let me know if you want me to add you to our team! It's only $20 :).

The other big news is that I now have a full-time job. The school I have subbed at for about 4 years, added another aid position to their resource room. They asked me to fill it! I love it!! I've been there one week and will be there to the end of the year (except the one week I had a vacation planned). I'm excited for the opportunity to help the children we see :). They have all been welcoming and I now feel official as everything is all set up. This weekend I need to go find some organization things to take with me and stuff to put on the wall behind me! I love it!! (I think I said that once, but hey it's true!!!)

Now we're praying that this becomes a permanent job next year and not just a temporary position they have. We are also hoping to see the Lord open some doors for TJ to find a new job in his field. While Frito-Lay has been good to us, he would like to be able to find a job where he can use his passion for training and developing (he's really, really good at it!!). Also praying for my step-dad Mike, and my sister-in-law Laura to find a job that they will really enjoy and provide for their families! So far 2012 has been an amazing year for us, just praying other things that have been a challenge come together (having issues with worker's comp....TJ had surgery the beginning of January).

Until next time.....God Is Good.....All The TIME!

Here we go again....

Alright, truth time. I haven't posted in sooooo long, but I think that was partly that I didn't want to admit to myself what was really going on in my head. I've been struggling on and off. Some days are fine and I don't think about the miscarriage, other days I have a really hard time. Now we are nearing when the baby was due and I've had to have a reality check with myself. The past month though God keeps giving me little hints to maybe part of the why-- 1) TJ had shoulder surgery. Workers comp is making things difficult and he's not getting paid either. We have to fight that. He should get some short-term disability soon, but ugh. He also wouldn't be able to hold a baby very well cuz only one arm is usable at this point. 2) There is a possible job opportunity for me. I can't talk much about it, but afraid I wouldn't be considered (even though it's illegal), had I been 8 months pregnant and going to take at least 6 weeks off.

Unfortunately through the ups and downs, I have gained back pretty much what I had taken off last year. So, I'm back to square one. TJ and I started back on plan last Thursday, so weigh day is tomorrow. We have been supporting one another, taking walks, challenging each other with drinking water, and connected to a large support group (which is awesome!). This time the weight is coming off for good. I will not sabotage myself. We do plan to still try to start a family but this time I'm not doing the "I think I might be pregnant so I should add some extra stuff in case I am". It's 100% OP until I get that positive....then it's slowly adding what I need for the baby. It's about me being healthy!!!

My plan is to update the blog at least once a week on weigh days. Hopefully I get better at blogging!!!!